Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This house was built for laser tag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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