dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
