You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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