you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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