I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
