We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
