Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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