arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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