Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
