yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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