I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
