ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
