Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dick very happy bro
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
