moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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