what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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