I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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