he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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