Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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