Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
