i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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