My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
