Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jerry, you need to find god
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
