At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i love accidental penises.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
