we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I sprained my soul last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
