Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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