just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
