I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
