he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
