i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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