Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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