Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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