I am midnight drunk by noon
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
