We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
