4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
