new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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