Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
