Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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