My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
