dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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