It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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