I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Randomize
