A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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