she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
