The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
