She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
