are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
