How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
