Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
