so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
