just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
